Time for change!

I accept myself unconditionally right now!

Or in other words, 'I am completely happy with the person I am right now!'

Do you know how hard it is for me to say these words?  In fact I can't say them, I find it hard just thinking it is OK to write them.

Am I alone in that?  I don't think I am.

I saw an image the other day, and casually commented on it, I said 'I have never done this'.

What I put really impacted on me, I had to think about it, 'why have I never done this?' 

Well, because of years of practise I dismissed my thoughts, and hoped that those disturbing thoughts would go away and I would be OK.  

Until I saw a film called 'Hungry for change', 

I wanted to watch it because of my health, I have an illness that will not go away according to doctors, and I have to just learn how to live with it, but it is so hard to live with, and I feel that I can fight it, and so I wanted to see if there is anything I am missing from my already very healthy diet.

I drink fresh organic juice every day, I eat food that is real, I avoid highly processed high sugar or sweetened foods, I drink plenty of water and herbal tea. But I am still not well.

I watched all the way through the film, writing down helpful tips, and thinking 'I am doing so much of what they say, why am I still so ill!!!?'

And then came the last part of the film, the wrecking ball!!   BOOOM!!  right in between my eyes

..... You need a positive mental image of yourself to actually move forward to good health, it talked about learning to tell yourself that you are wonderful,

PFFFFTTTT!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Oh boy! something so foreign to me.

I started to cry, the realisation that I do not love myself, or actually think much of myself at all, in fact, if I met myself, I would not want to be my friend.

 It hit me so hard.

I won't go into details, as this is not the reason for my blog, but I decided to take each negative thought that I have of myself and deal with each one with a positive.

'You are fat'......'You look great for someone that has had 3 kids'

'You made some really bad choices'.........'Look at what you have learnt'

'You are a rubbish Mum'...........'You have 3 amazing kids, you must be doing something right'

And the list goes on, and continues to do so.

The film said, that you need to fill up your mind with positives. And so,

I have decided to go through my old pictures and find a picture of myself that I like (it might take a while) and pin it to my mirror, along with the words 'I am completely happy with the person I am right now' 

I will take a look at it at least twice a day, look into my own eyes for 20 seconds, ignore every negative thought that pops into my head, and they will come, thick and fast, and Say out loud, 'I AM COMPLETELY HAPPY WITH THE PERSON I AM RIGHT NOW'

I am going to prove to myself one way or another that I am lovely, I am, I will!!  

I really need to do this, I need to be happy, healthy, and pass this onto my loved ones.

Will you take this journey with me?

I am going to post as often as I can to chart my progress, you may not care, you may not relate to this at all, but for those who do, and feel the same low self esteem, this is me, being a guinea pig for you, and if it works, I hope it is something that you can benefit from, and if it does not work, well, you can see where I go from here,

 It will be forward.